Xu Liang Tong loves to watch Da Ai TV and imbibe the teachings of Master Cheng Yen. Learning the Dharma daily helped him to understand the impermanence of the material things in life. (Photo by Lin Zhen Yi)
“I am grateful to Tzu Chi and the Residents’ Committee (RC) for giving me this platform for sharing,” said Cui Li, during the final session of Tzu Chi’s Parent-Child Bonding Class held at Bukit Batok. She had been unable to let her daughter Qian Yi attend the Parent-Child Bonding Class at the Jing Si Hall because she had to look after her husband at home. The one-hour bus trip would take her away from home for too long and she could not afford to take that risk.
From the home visits by Tzu Chi, she came to know of the benefits of the Parent-Child Bonding Class and hoped to enroll her daughter. Her wish was granted in July 2013, when Tzu Chi volunteers and the Bukit Batok East Zone Residents’ Committee (RC) collaborated to set up the class with her constituency’s RC near where the family stayed.
“My child has learned so much in this one year, whether it is communication skills or developing a greater sense of eco-consciousness” said Cui, choking back tears. Qian Yi loved the monthly recycling activities and would always remind her mother not to miss out on participating in the activity. “She has improved so much in the area of relating to others, and I am so grateful to know Tzu Chi.” Hailing from China, Cui’s loved ones are not in Singapore and Tzu Chi has become her only family. Her sincere gratitude moved the volunteers to tears as they witnessed how far this mother and her daughter had come.
At the South Zone (2) recycling appreciation tea party, Cui Li and her daughter Xu Qian Yi (left) participated in a sign language performance “Hope of Love” with the Parent-Child Bonding Class. (Photo by Guo Pei Fen)
Through monthly participation in the Parent-Child Bonding Class, Qian Yi is now able to interact with others and even performed a song with sign language. (Photo by Guo Pei Fen)
Pulling Through a Second Operation with a Loving Wife
Cui’s husband Xu has been receiving support from Tzu Chi since May 2012. In July 2011, his brain tumour was removed and diagnosed to be benign. Although he did not need chemotherapy, the operation affected him adversely. He suffered from the inability to swallow and digest food as well as impaired functions of his lungs, throat and eyes.
Unable to swallow normally, the flow of his saliva went into his lungs instead. Cui had to assist him in extracting the buildup of phlegm six to seven times daily. As his stomach had lost its function, Xu had to be tube-fed with nutrient-rich milk six times a day. Cui also had to wash the narrow tube daily as it was prone to blockage. His afflicted lungs often caused him breathlessness, low blood pressure and fainting spells, and he would have difficulty balancing while walking. He could not enunciate his words clearly and would pant while speaking, and also suffered from double vision. His condition thus necessitated a long-term reliance on the tracheostomy tube.
Xu’s stay in the hospital was a period of intense yearning to go home. However, his discharge was postponed time and again. “During that time, it seemed that my behaviour was getting more and more abnormal. I only knew of this from my wife after three months,” Xu recalled. Some of the unusual behavior he exhibited included verbally abusing the medical staff and his family, and even pinching his daughter’s neck. Qian Yi, who was only three years old then, suffered a shock and gradually became withdrawn and anti-social.
With the aid of tranquilizers and Cui’s tender care, Xu recovered his normal state of mind. However, leaving the hospital was the start of another nightmare. Due to the fluids accumulating in his brain, he would lose control of some bodily functions during sleep; his breathing would become weaker such that he could lose consciousness anytime. There were a few times that Cui, with her daughter, had to rush Xu to hospital in the dead of the night, saving his life in the nick of time. After which, the doctors decided to perform another operation to channel the fluids into his stomach and this restored some of the functions of his body.
Xu Qian Yi (far left) loves the recycling activities and never fails to remind her mother (second from left) to attend the monthly recycling activity. (Photo by Pua Poo Toong)
“She has improved so much in the area of relating to others, and I am so grateful to know Tzu Chi”, said Cui Li who is from China. (Photo by Yeoh Kuan Seong)
From True Love to Great Love for All
“It was during this time that I experienced true love... (the essence of which) is never giving up.” Xu was filled with gratitude for his wife who tirelessly took care of him. She accompanied him on hospital visits, tube-fed him, extracted his phlegm, fed him medications, dressed his wounds and bathed him, all the while taking care of household chores and their child, and even worked part-time at the factory. “Her friends told her that if they were in her shoes, they would have left me long ago,” said Xu.
Although Xu was frequently moody and yelled at Cui, she continued to counsel and encourage him to keep his spirits up, to stay strong for their child and treasure his life. “I realized this only now: I have a great wife.” To Xu, his wife and his child are his motivation to live on.
In encouraging Xu to stay positive in the face of illness, some credit goes to the influence of Da Ai TV. During the first home visit, volunteer Zhang Ai Ping came to know of Xu’s negative emotional state. Taking out her tablet, she asked him to choose any video he liked by Master Cheng Yan. It was then that he heard the Master’s teaching on the meaning of life: why seek death when one should cherish this precious rebirth as a human?
“I liked it, as I could relate to the Master’s teachings which were very close to my heart.” Xu found the teachings very useful from the first time he heard them, and he gradually learnt to go online to access programmes such as “The Essence of the Bodhi Mind,” a weekly Dharma programme on Da Ai TV, and was determined to finish watching every episode.
“He really watched all the episodes; he would share his thoughts and feelings with us after he watched the programme. He did take our advice to heart,” said Zhang with gladness. Xu’s brother gave him a set-top box, so that he could use the television to watch Da Ai TV. Reading the bigger words on a television screen was less taxing on his blurred vision.
Volunteer Jiang Xiao Ping, whose son suffered from mild autism in his childhood, used her personal experience to research on ways to reach out to Qian Yi. (Photo by Lin Zhen Yi)
Repenting Greed and Cravings
“The first thing I realized was not to take breathing for granted, as well as being able to eat and drink.” Xu used to be a foodie, and would travel to Malaysia in search of good food to de-stress from the pressures of life. “Why am I unable to eat anymore? It is because I loved to stuff myself too much in the past. Now I am just like those sentient beings in the realm of the hungry ghosts. This can be said to be karma manifesting in one’s present life!” Xu expressed with remorse.
With daily exposure to the Dharma teachings, Xu slowly came to understand the transience of material things. “The only thing we can hold on to is kinship, knowledge and the merits gained from helping others. These cannot be taken away from us.” He now keeps Master Cheng Yen’s teachings in mind and understands that one’s mental afflictions actually originate from one’s own desires and wants.
Zhang felt that the mentality Liang Tong had towards his ordeal would help many more people on their own journey. “He is now always saying he ‘gained it-- never has he said so in the past. He is now always saying how he has ‘gained another day,’ ‘gained another year,’ or ‘gained this or that.’”
A Mutual Promise to Give Back to the Community
Like Xu, Cui would also read the “Tzu Chi Monthly,” especially the section titled “Daily Journal of Master Cheng Yen”. Learning how the Master handled the various issues faced in life helped to instill a sense of calm in her. In addition, the Tzu Chi volunteers cared for her with love just as if she were family, and this moved her.
One night, Xu was suddenly admitted to the hospital and the volunteers received the news during a meeting. Cui, out of consideration, told them that they did not have to visit him. However, they still came by. Cui said, “I was so touched. It was almost ten o’clock at night. They had been out and about the whole day, and still came to the hospital to see my husband to give him encouragement and offer consolation.”
Hence, Cui often thought about she could give back to the community. She brought her daughter to Tzu Chi Community Recycling Point to help with sorting out the materials for recycling and to cultivate an appreciation in her for the things she has in her life. Qian Yi came to love the activities, and even participated in a community presentation with Tzu Chi’s recycling partners. When the Parent-Child Bonding Class came to an end, the teacher also presented her with the ‘Best Recycling Effort’ award.
To reach out to Qian Yi, the volunteers did plenty of research. Volunteer Jiang Xiao Ping’s son suffered from mild autism in his childhood and she had some understanding of the condition. Jiang observed that Qian Yi’s school bag and books were adorned with the cartoon character from “Dora the Explorer”. She started using the topic of “Dora” to make conversation with the little girl and soon developed a rapport with her. Qian Yi also shared with Jiang, her school life and her encounters. Jiang realized that Qian Yi did not like being in groups, so she ensured that they converse on a one-on-one basis, gradually developing a relationship based on trust and care with her.
This semester of the Parent-Child Bonding Class may have come to an end but it does not signal the end of the relationship for Tzu Chi Volunteers and the Xu family. The love and support from the various volunteer teams has helped the family out of their dire straits, and formed a beautiful symbiotic relationship of virtuous kindness.
Share 
